By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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