I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
