I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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