Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
