just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
