So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
