Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
