What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
