If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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