How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
