worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
