I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
