Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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