Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
