the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
