yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
