so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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