Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
