Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he thought i was a dude.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
