i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
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He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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