I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
