I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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