just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
