dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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