What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
