i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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