dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
