Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
