she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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