Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
