I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
