420 ftw
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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