he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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