Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
