i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
