last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
