Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
