he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize