this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
