How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
