took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
