We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
