bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
