Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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