i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
