they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Barsexuality is the new black.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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