How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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