Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
