i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
