If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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