I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
