you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
