I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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