he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
