Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
