I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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