Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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