this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
