i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
