We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
