you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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