Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You're like the curious george of whores
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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