I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
