He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
