Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
