i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
