When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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