PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
