Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
