Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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