atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
