Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He kissed a someone with a penis
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
