woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
