My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
